No O? Some Tips On Enjoying Sex If You Can’t Orgasm

No O? Some Tips On Enjoying Sex If You Can’t Orgasm

During Masturbation May and Mental Health Awareness Week, we feel it is crucial to shed light on a topic often overlooked in sexual discussions—the inability to achieve orgasm. This article by Anne Marie Molloy aims to challenge the stigma surrounding orgasm-centric narratives, encouraging a shift towards a more inclusive and pleasurable perspective on sex. Something we are passionate about promoting at Lace & Tassels.

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No O? Some Tips On Enjoying Sex If You Can’t Orgasm

We’re often taught that sex and that big climax are one of the highest achievements we can aspire to but for those who can’t orgasm, there are often feelings of self deprecation and shame. There are many reasons why someone can’t come, be it medical conditions , trauma, disability, chronic pain, or some medications which inhibit sexual stimulation to name but a few. In many cases, this inability to orgasm although not always permanent, can make sex awkward, stir up feelings of inadequacy both with oneself and their sexual partners, and affects more people than is spoken about. As we move towards greater integration of wellness in sexual education, it’s high time we bust the stigma and open up the conversations  and shift the focus to the pleasures that can still be enjoyed without the big O, Here’s some tips on how you can enhance your sexual experience for you and the one you’re with.

Dress To Undress

Feeling sexy and enticing your lover can be part of the titillation that elevates the seduction experience. The textures of your attire be they lace, satin, silk, or the second skins that come from pvc or latex, can be part of the pleasure and the unwrapping, (or ripping off), of your outfit can level up the experience. Check out the Lace & Tassels attire selection to get your heart racing.

Be Comfortable

In the cases or trauma or chronic pain, the slightest discomfort can cause pleasure to instantly switch off. For those with limited mobility or chronic pain , maintaining a position or straddling, can be difficult and the onset of pain can rapidly kill the mood. In cases of trauma the onset of bad energy or a disconnect can become highly distressing. Experimenting with different positions to find that juicy spot can help you and your partner and communicating any discomfort immediately be that physical or mental is key throughout. Your well-being is more important than satisfying a fantasy so going with what you need can help you stay in the moment and keep the flame going 

Set The Pace

It’s important to remember that our desires and sexual needs are in a constant state of flux. Sometimes that hard and fast throw down is exactly what hits the spot but there can be an immense pleasure in the slow build for  some steamy lustful vibes. Nipple play, the flick of a tongue, the tease,  and introducing  toys  can drive you and lover wild. Try the clitoral stimulator or vibrating toys at alternating speeds for a delicious frenzy. 

Meno Matters

Vaginal dryness and atrophy are a common symptom of peri and menopause. Vaginal Atrophy is the loss of vaginal elasticity and the thinning of tissues, can lead to the vaginal canal narrowing, the clitoris shriveling, and the exposure of nerves which can lead to painful sex. While it does require medical treatment there are some things you can do to lessen its impact and keep the spark alive. There is a theory amongst medics of ‘lose it or use it’ meaning regular penetration is necessary to maintain vaginal health but for those who are single, in same-sex relationships, or for whom the pain is too much to bear this advice is somewhat lacking. Lace & Tassels stock vaginal dilators which can help with  weakened muscles and lubes like these pleasure enhancing ones mean you don’t have to miss out on great sex  in menopause.

Fet Play

The vast world of fetish [and kink] can be enjoyed solo or with a partner in ways that don’t necessarily place an emphasis on orgasm. They can provide exhilaration and release and  may not even involve any erogenous zone contact. BDSM can be a healthy exploration that can help you reach new heights of pleasure and be enjoyed as part of a sexual encounter or as an independent act. Take a look at our BDSM & Kink section for equipment and attire and unleash your inner kinky side.

In short if you can’t orgasm you are not alone and there is no need to shy away from sexual pleasure. When you replace your feelings of unworthiness with self-compassion, you can find your most  sensual and pleasurable sexual side free of pressure. Sex doesn’t have to be all about the orgasm, it can be all  about  connecting to your body and savouring each luscious moment along the way.

About the Author: Anne Marie Molloy is an Irish writer who is passionate about promoting well-being and embracing sex positivity in her work. She draws upon her own tumultuous life experiences and struggles with disabilities with a view to empowering others on their personal journeys. 

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